The Tale of Mommy Lumpneau and the Wonky Scale

There once was a woman named Mommy Lumpneau.

She had so many rolls, she didn’t know what to do.

She stepped on the scale,

It screamed, “You’re a whale!”

And so, she cleaved it in two!


So my Homedics scale has become quite wonky. Last night, it told me I gained twelve pounds in less than a week. Impossible, you say? Impossible says human biology! I’m pretty sure you can’t gain more than 1/2 a pound a day. Then this morning, it told me that I had lost six of those supposed pounds. This afternoon, it told me I had lost two more, for a net of gaining four pounds in less than a week. I find that a much more reasonable number to deal with. Still, I’m pretty sure that as much as you can’t gain twelve pounds in a week, you can’t lose eight pounds in less than 24 hours. Why would I step on the scale three times in less than those 24 hours? I guess I knew it was a bit on the wonky side…but with a scale like that, is it any wonder why I’m neurotic?!

I think it’s time to go weigh myself again…


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